


The Swells of High Tidesbury Manor

by china_shop



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Marine life, Mystery Denouement, Puns & Word Play, Treat, Trick or Treat: Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27221416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china_shop/pseuds/china_shop
Summary: “I have gathered you here today regarding the matter of the missing clams.” Ms Squidemina Squiffle, private investigator, drifted in front of the main thermal vent in the grand parlour of High Tidesbury Manor and methodically adjusted four of the cuffs of her custom-tailored shirt.
Comments: 24
Kudos: 25
Collections: Trick or Treat Exchange 2020





	The Swells of High Tidesbury Manor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beelzebubble_tea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beelzebubble_tea/gifts).



> I couldn't resist this prompt. Happy Halloween! I hope you like this treat!
> 
> With much thanks to my pod of betas, Prudence Dearly, Mr Eye, and mergatrude, for all their kelpful contributions.

“I have gathered you here today regarding the matter of the missing clams.” Ms Squidemina Squiffle, private investigator, drifted in front of the main thermal vent in the grand parlour of High Tidesbury Manor and methodically adjusted four of the cuffs of her custom-tailored shirt. She was keeping a tight rein on her chromatophores. It had taken over a month to perfect the art of not unthinkingly camouflaging herself, but perfect it she had. 

Of course, most people wouldn’t appreciate that, but her best friend, the daughter of the house, Octavia Cephalopod, winked from where she was wrapped around the chandelier.

“Clams?” repeated Jellytina, the maid. “You don’t mean her Ladyship’s golden banded wedge clams?”

“Five big ones,” confirmed Squidemina, “pilfered from Lady Cephalopod’s dressing table.”

A gurgle of indignation rose from the assembled guests. Squidemina’s inquiries up to this point had been very discreet, and it was the first most of them had heard of the crime, while the perpetrator must have been sure the long tentacle of the law would never find them. 

Major Shrimp brushed his moustache with his forelegs. “Outrageous! Whoever did it should be dried out, top to tail!”

“Indeed.” Lady Cephalopod dabbed at her beak with a ruffle of seaweed. “Squidemina, you’re such a young thing, barely five months old. I don’t suppose there’s any chance you’ve found the scoundrel?”

“Actually, I have,” said Squidemina. All eyes swivelled towards her. A mild surge through the window had knocked her hat askew; she nudged it back into place as nonchalantly as she could. “It wasn't easy. Lady Cephalopod has many close friends and not many anemones. So at first I thought it must have been the Krab brothers.”

“They are always pinching things,” said Octavia.

“Quite. However, I have it on good authority that they’re currently under supervised detention in a high altitude rock pool, after breaking into the vault at Oyster Beddingshire.”

In fact, Squidemina’s contact, Emily Eelton, had let slip that the Krabs were undercover agents for the Nautilus Network, and their detention was merely a ruse to protect their cover, but Squidemina wasn’t at liberty to reveal that.

“Oyster Beddingshire is only a shell company anyway,” interjected Glutinous, with a bubble of condescension. He was the wastrel heir to the Nudibranch Estate, and every time he moved, his ill-fitting turtleneck billowed like an algal bloom.

Major Shrimp glared at him, crustily. 

“My second theory was that Mr Lobs might have sent the clams off to be polished, without informing anyone, for some reason.” Mr Lobs was the Cephalopods’ butler. He stood by the buffet, silent and dignified, giving no sign that he owed more than his carapace was worth to a loan shark.

“Oh, surely not old Lobster!” drawled Octavia, from the chandelier. “He’s slower than a gastropod. If it had been him, we would have caught him red-pincered.”

“The butler was a red herring,” agreed Squidemina. She’d needed to remain impartial, to believe everyone equally suspect, but in point of fact, the loyal Mr Lobs had never been a credible larcenist, despite his debt. Squidemina paused dramatically, and a swirl of impatience swept the room. She moved in for the krill. “But it _was_ an inside job. Lady Cephalopod, I was able to retrieve your clams from the prawnbroker’s this very morning.”

She brought out a sack she’d tucked behind Major Shrimp’s chair earlier, before the others had arrived, and upended it over the table. 

“My precious clams!” exclaimed Lady Cephalopod, clasping six of her tentacles together in excitement. “You found them! But who—?”

“The culprit used hired mussels to move them, but Mrs Velatida Star who works in the Sand Bar overheard the mussels talking, while they were siphoning their cut of the profits. Lady Cephalopod, I’m so sorry to have to say this, but the person who stole your clams is your daughter and my best friend, Octavia.”

“What?”

Astonishment clouded the parlour like ink. Even impassive Mr Lobs looked dismayed.

For a second, it seemed Octavia would deny it, but then she laughed. “Suckers!”

Torn between pride at a successful investigation and disappointment at her friend’s delinquency, Squidemina lowered her gaze to her coral pocket square. Perhaps she should have revealed the truth to Lady Cephalopod in private. But Octavia, by her actions, had risked the blame falling on other, innocent parties, capsizing the scales of justice. Besides, it was no easy task to get a struggling investigative agency up and swimming. Squidemina had consulted her mentor, Miss Marpool, who’d advised that well-attended denouements were good for business. 

Lady Cephalopod was upright now, pointing several reproachful appendages at Octavia. “But why? Why would you betray me? Haven’t I given you everything your three hearts could desire? Aren’t you happy?”

“I’m _bored_.” Octavia unravelled her hold on the chandelier so she was dangling by just one arm. “I needed you to see Squidemina’s brilliance, so you’d understand that I want a career, too!”

Squidemina felt her chromatophores shimmer. “Tavia! You didn’t!”

“Oh, don’t be koi, darling!” Octavia gave a negligent flick of a limb. “I did my best to get away with it. I wanted the cash! But I knew the tide was against me, and if it did toss me onto the beach, at least I’d have a chance to make Mama understand.”

“Understand what?” asked Lady Cephalopod, distressed and confused. “I don’t understand anything.”

“What kind of career?” asked Glutinous.

“Why would you want to work, if you don’t have to?” Jellytina the maid was clearly baffled. “ _You_ get to float around all day, doing whatever you please!”

“Oh, I don’t want just any job,” Octavia assured her. She raised her tentacles into a perfect rectangle, framing her head. “I’m going to start a news agency, specialising in current events!”

FIN


End file.
